One of my favorite phrases lately is, "We'll manage."  It seems to be my catch-all comment.  And that's what we're doing lately--managing.  Unemployment has kept us busy and we worked much of the week preparing for winter (freezing berries and peaches), baking for the farmers' market, and dealing with leg cramps (well, me only on that one).   This crazy pregnacy-job-loss experience has left me mellowed out and ready for anything.  Managing is what I do best and God has really blessed us with the skill of resourcefulness as of late.

Things have been very abundant at a time when we needed them most.  People are giving us fruits and vegetables like crazy and I've got a good number of green apples to "put up."  I've never had so much food in my refrigerator and freezer.  I signed up for WIC this week and this has been the biggest help to us.  No one is kidding when they say that pregnant women eat a lot and this service is a wonderful blessing when you need it.  Government assistance can be a sore spot for some folks, but you should use what you've paid for when you are in a tight spot.  Enough said.

The farmers' market was a big hit today.  We sold all the not-so-sourdough and most of the brownies and cookies.  Napkins were great sellers, but the fresh herbs were not.  It'll be pesto all around tonight for supper.  It just depends on the week, I guess.  We still did twice a great as usual and enjoyed getting to be a part of the town we always drove away from to go to work.

We're taking next weekend off for Mike to do some backpacking while he has the time.  We had bought him a nice backpack a year and a half ago when they were on sale in the off-season and the time to use it never came up.  May as well do it before things really change around here.  He's got a job interview on Monday in Abingdon, so keep your fingers crossed.  It's a half-hour commute, but it will work for now.  It's easier to look for work when you're working than when you're not.

What's next for me?  More blackberries, cloth bags for wetkneefarm, working on apples and beets and enjoying the upcoming third trimester. :-)  Here's a shot of me in the new dress, looking a bit confused since I didn't know if Mike was taking a picture.  Oddly, I like this photo, but I'm kind of counterculture like that.

I've been thinking about Fall and Winter lately, but then again, it is supposed to be 91 degrees today.  At first I was thinking it was kind of crazy for me to think so far ahead since we have something so big happening in three months.  But really, it's natural to look ahead to Winter in the middle of Summer.  Or first third.  There is much preparation to do this time of year.

We picked up a bushel of peaches in South Carolina on our way back from visiting Mike's parents.  I've spent the past two days working through them and this weekend will prove to be even peachier.  Dad bought the peaches for us and we'll really enjoy them over the Winter.  This year, instead of jamming so much, I prepared these just for the freezer.  That way, we'll be able to thaw them out and throw them in smoothies, pies and cobblers at any time.  My jam stores are still quite hefty.

This year, we'll be concentrating on the freezer that Mom and Dad gave us.  They bought a smaller one and gave us their big one and I am really quite excited.  I've been working hard at filling it up, slowly stockpiling what I've picked from the garden or been able to afford from the store.  I found organic butter on close-out a couple of weeks ago, so I got five pounds!  I've also been accumulating grains from a local bulk foods store for all of the granola I plan to make in the coming months.  I can't wait to add blackberries in the next week.  Blackberries in pancakes and puddings will be so wonderful.

It's beginning to feel a lot like baby around here since most of my diapers came this week.  They were a special gift from my grandmother and I am super-thrilled about them.  I decided to go with Kissaluvs and found a reasonably good deal here.  They're soft and fleecy and I'll be spending as much time with them as I will with the baby.  Mike's mother took me to do a little baby shopping during our visit and I believe I've rounded out the first three months worth of clothes, maybe even six.  It's going to be cold for that long, so I've planned to keep the baby in sleepers and gowns.  We're not high fashion around here. 

Function in bulk.  That's us.

There's an important theme in all of this--provision.  We haven't been in want of our needs through all of the challenges and uncertainty in the past month.  People have been immensely generous to us and we are immensely appreciative.  It's a little funny sometimes to have a new baby coming and not be able to buy anything, but it's a huge blessing not to need to.  We will look back on these days, glad we made it through, and remember how much we were helped.  Hopefully, we'll be able to do the same thing for our little ones when they need us.

Mike continues to look for jobs and I am trying to get back into the groove of sewing for the shop.  We'll be packing up our wares and heading to the farmers' market today, so if the Fiber Frolic looks empty, it's only temporary.  Now it's time for a weekend of weenie roasts at the cabin and more peaches.  Cobbler, this time, I think.

I decided yesterday that I'm not going to cry anymore about all the crazy things that have been happening to us.  Mike made the difficult decision to leave his job.  I'm not mad, though this will present some challenges.  Instead, we're trying to look at all that has happened as opportunities to live our lives more deliberately and locally.  This means no more long commute to Wytheville and lower gas costs (none, for now!). 

I've said for some time now that Mike and I have the perfect life together.  We had jobs in the same town, just blocks from each other.  We were able to eat lunch together every single day.  We had settled into our stereotypical adult lives and found a good time to have a baby.  After that, things started going a little funny.  If anything could have gone wrong at work for the both of us, it did.  We've been tested in this department for a year or more, but things have recently come to a breaking point.  Each of us had to stand up for ourselves and give all we could.  In both cases, that meant accepting the fate of moving on.

I've talked about moving forward, and really, we're still doing that.  It's all we can do these days.  We pay the bills, tend the garden, take all the fresh produce offered to us, and settle into lives that will never be the same.  I've come to have zero expectations and only minimal survival-based plans.  We'll make it through these changes financially, though times will be very tight.  Thank goodness for the kind people at the Virginia Employment Commission and for the help of my parents.  Sometimes, it feels as though they're the people keeping us going.

This, too, shall pass.  And after it is over, there will be chuckles of "remember the time I was pregnant and we both were out of work and trying to plan for a new baby during a recession?"  I've learned two big things so far that I work to remind myself of each day, when I start to get a little nervous.  First, I have had a perfect pregnancy.  Nothing could have gone more smoothly and I am thankful for each day of wiggles in my tummy and dozens of bathroom trips.  Second, sometimes God blesses us in ways that are so amazing we cannot understand them when they happen.  I prayed for God to send Mike a new job and I should have known He'd be counterculture about it. ;-)

Mike told me a couple of weeks ago that I've aged.  Apparently, he was looking back through old photos and found this shot of us at the Sliding Rock in the Pisgah National Forest.  We'd been married less than two months and were working part-time then.  The day before, or so, we'd slid down the big rock face into the icy cold water.  I was the chicken who'd worn a life jacket and nearly hyperventilated on the way down.  We were surrounded by kids who'd made dozens of trips down the rock and were pumped for more.  Once was enough for me.

Three years later, I admittedly look a little different.  I'm a whole quarter of a century old, have one day of work left, and will be holding a baby in less than four months.  I still manage to make funny faces when my picture is taken because my being photogenic wore off at the age of ten.  Really, I was great until then. 

Twenty-four was a big year of preparation.  Twenty-five will be settling in.  I'll have three-ish months to get used to one income before the baby comes.  There will be a final summer of just being Mike-and-Brandy.  There is a freezer to stock and berries to pick.  There will be firsts like crazy and I will be here to see them all.  Lucky me. :-)

Now that I'm back from the break, I'll participate in helenkosings meme, Six Quirky Things:

1. I cannot sleep late, no matter what.  I might miss something.  Like breakfast.
2. I cannot lie when it's the polite thing to do.  It just doesn't work.  Social graces seem to have escaped me.  So, I guess you know that if I say thank-you, I really do mean it.  Otherwise, the foot goes into the mouth.
3. I won my best friend Becky by annoying her until she gave up and liked me.  Isn't stealing pieces of a person's flute in band at least slightly endearing?
4. Cereal is my favorite pre-packaged food genre.  I can eat cereal until the cows come home, laugh at me for awhile and go back out to pasture.  Good thing I found Tammy's granola recipes.  I talk about them rather a lot, if you haven't noticed.  They'll likely save our budget in the coming months.
5. My husband loves Dave Matthews Band like I love cereal and I do not.  Life's funny like that.
6. For the first time in my life, I have no plans beyond December.  A month of back and forth, hemming and hawing, up and down, waiting and waiting, I've learned a lot about flexibility and zero expectations.  Probably a good thing, considering.

Now it's time to inaugurate a new year with a hot bowl of Cream of Wheat with maple syrup.  Happy Birthday to me!

It's a sunny and pleasant 73 degrees outside today.  I've got my corduroy pants on and short sleeves and it seems just a bit crisp.  The stifling heat of last week is gone and reward weather has taken over.  It's rather like Autumn out there.  I think I might stand in the yard tonight after I move the tomatoes and thankfully layer on a long sleeve shirt.

Mike and I went over the mountain to the cabin last weekend and drove past our wood cutting spot.  It made me think of that cool and pleasant day working together when the leaves were at their peak.  Mike was wearing my pumpkin hat and that made me chuckle a bit.  I plan to make a little pumpkin hat for the baby.  After all, it's my most famous design and who better to wear it?

Sometimes it is hard to think of our baby as a little girl.  We've been calling her "the baby" for so long now.  Even though I had a feeling from the start that our little pumpkin seed was a "she," saying it, actually having "her" come out of my mouth seems so concrete, so real.  Now I can feel her wiggle around inside me and Mike can feel her interior antics on the outside.

Usually, I try to pass the Summer by and head straight for Fall, but this year there is much to do.  And while I am anxious to hold our baby in my arms,  I know enough to know that we will need every bit of this time of preparation.  Then at last, when the garden is in and thick blankets are on the beds, we will reap the rewards of our first harvest.

18 more weeks.  Is that all?

I'm so glad to be free of all the commitments of May.  Only one this month--to show up at a trail work day this Saturday.  I'll be in charge of pruning (I hope) and looking cute.  I think I can handle it. ;-)

It's been a hot one this past week, but we've managed to get lots done.  Operation High Security continues on as today I planted watermelons, more cucumbers and loofas.  Mike and I covered the area with newspapers and rocks just before a short storm came and drenched them.  Success!  I've fortified the little hills where the seeds are with tomato cages to discourage any deposits of the feline variety.  I've covered the other cucumber plants (which I ended up buying) with bird netting.  Keep your fingers crossed!

Saturday, I went on a baking frenzy and made two loaves of my Famous Sourdough-which-is-not-Sour, another big batch of Tammy's Cinnamon Crunch Granola and the first Peachy Blueberry Pie of the season.  Whew!  That ought to do us for a week or two.  I love to bake and somehow, it being 95 outside is very enticing.  Either that, or I had temporary insanity and wanted to really heat up the house.

Speaking of things in the oven, the baby is doing really well at being super active.  Her movements are much stronger than when I started to feel them around seven weeks ago.  I can feel her somersault around in my tummy and can really tell when she settles in for a moment right above my bladder. Sometimes it feels like I'm either at the mercy of my hungry tummy or my super-productive bladder.  No matter, I love every flicker of life I get to feel.  Even at 4:00 AM after my fifth bathroom break.

I've been churning out the custom orders for etsy and am really glad to have reached a point where sitting down to sew six or twelve napkins at a time is no longer daunting.  That's one of the things no one tells you about crafting--sewing, knitting ,crochet, or otherwise--you have to have time to get used to the pace of the work.  When you find your pattern, things go much more smoothly.  I've moved the ironing board into the part of the house with the air conditioner and now things are even more productive.  Who can sit down to sloth in front of the Food Network with dozens of anxious napkins staring back?

So, yeah.  Here's the obligatory crafting shot.



I'm really liking the lavender hankies.

Say prayer for us at the bungalow--I'm still waiting for some important news and may get it later in the week.

Let me add a big thanks to Tammy for giving me a free ad on her blog.  I'm so thankful for her generosity during uncertain times.  Check it out--Mike designed it.  He's so clever!

I mentioned to Susan awhile back that I was thinking a lot about materialism and its manifestations in parenting.  I've been thinking and procrastinating for some time now.  It's hard for me to get into discussions about parenting or childbirth with my current parent status, but I can still think. ;-)

One of my biggest fears all along hasn't been childbirth or being in charge of a helpless baby or miscarriage.  Nope, it's been accumulating too much stuff.  You can see where my priorities are.  Just kidding. :-P 

I know a lot of generous people.  They gave us a lifetime supply of bath towels when we were married and now they're poised to shop 'till they drop for our baby.  Am I ready for the onslaught of stuff?  I didn't have everything when I was little and now I am so glad--things just don't mean anything.

Now that we've found out that there's a little girl pumpkin in there, folks are even more anxious to scour their attics for baby goodies and pound the parking lot into the mall.  I've been struggling with a polite way to handle all of this.  Mom and I went through all of my old stuff a couple of months ago and did an inventory of what I'll really need when the time comes.  I made a list and plan to use this when well-meaning people ask what I can use for the baby.  It's all I can think to do.  Well, that, and assign sizes to people to ensure I get variety.  It's all a blessing, really, to be surrounded by people who want to take care of us.  I'm still petrified of receiving a thousand pink sleepers in 0-3 month size.

I've put this off for so long simply because I just don't know what else to say.  I've got a tiny house with three closets and an inaccessible attic.  I do, however, have the World's Driest Basement.  So far.  Ladies and gentlemen, keep your receipts.

Here are some links for the curious among you.  They show intriguing patterns in materialism for children and proof of what really matters at the end of the day.

• Berlin's Whimsy on The Stuff of Parents
• Parenting Inc. on NPR's Featured Books
• Jenni at Just Chicken Feed: This Stuff Matters

Yesterday's doctor visit went well.  I've gained a whole six pounds at the half-way mark.  And. . .  we're having a girl!  mikecnichols has the ultrasound photos over at his blog, here.  I had a feeling, and I guess I was right. ;-)

June, she'll change her tune,
In restless walks she'll prowl the night. . .

Simon & Garfunkel :: "April Come She Will"

It's a quiet morning here at the Blackberry Bungalow; just the little pumpkin and me are awake.  Mike and I have enjoyed a few days of peaceful living after a whirlwind month.  We went to see Indiana Jones at the drive-in and, as usual, I was appalled at the price of snacks (we're taking our own next time).  The movie was pretty good, though, when you take out all the stressful parts. 

Yesterday we went to Boone for our quarterly trip to Earth Fare and vegetarian food fix.  Mike ended up eating meat (at the place which has replaced Angelica's), I had tempeh, and we came home with $18 worth of gummy candies from the Mast General Store.  You've got to have priorities.  Really, though, that candy will last us for months.  I hope.

I'm glad it's June, but this month still holds some surprises. 

Monday, we'll find out just who's wiggling around in my tummy and laying on my bladder.  Yesterday, the baby got into such a position that I was nearly squirming with pain and screaming for a bathroom.  Just as quickly, the baby moved and I was able to make it a whole 20 minutes without a bathroom break.  Mike says I've gotten a lot bigger over the past week, and I feel it, too.  Of course, I'm always sizing myself up every time I walk past something reflective.  That's what happens when you have a house with no full-length mirrors. ;-)

My birthday is this month, right before the end of the fiscal year at work.  I'm sure, by now, that you've figured out that they might be downsizing me.  It's nothing I've done, but they blame the state budget cuts and somehow see it as okay to consider eliminating several real people instead of looking at other spending.  It's a big, hilarious mess.  That's all I can say.  Now that the shock has worn off, it's like M*A*S*H around work.  I talk about willing my office supplies to people and who gets my African violets.  Humor in dark times as we wait for a verdict.

Today, I've got a couple dozen napkins for the Fiber Frolic waiting for me in the Apiary.  There are also new curtains to plan for our room and Mike, as Quality Control on all my crafting, is keeping a close eye on the fabric selection.  We've come home with some that's he's just obsessed with.  I knew he was the one when he wore my knitting and was so concerned about, well, Quality Control.  I've also got two sizable custom orders for the shop and I'm so thrilled to have them.  Etsy seems to be working out well for me. :-)

Now, for some flower shots. . .



I'll start with peonies, for Emily. 



I've picked the best and fullest, just for you.



This is the bouquet from the other day.  See how full it's gotten?  I've since restocked with more flowers as the petals drop.



Moving along to the bleeding hearts in white. . .



. . . and tiny pink.  I think these are more closely related to Dutchmen's Breeches or maybe Squirrel Corn, given the leaves and flower shape.



Now, I've got to do shamelss plugs for the shop.  See this columbine?



And this one, too?



Notice how I like to take pictures of my hand?

I show all of these to say that they all came from the same plants, but came out different colors!  I moved these from the Old Davis Homestead our first year here.  For awhile, they stayed well-behaved and were all purple and ruffly.  This year, I don't know if they were carousing with other neighborhood columbines or what, but they've gone and gotten Variety.  I love all the different colors and lovingly collect the seeds each year, which are available for purchase over at Brandy's Fiber Frolic.

Okay, shameless plugs aside. . .



Gorgeous Rhododendron.  And at last:



Dwarf Iris.   Aaaah, love.

Happy Sunday!

The last two weeks of May are proving to be a real doozy here at the Blackberry Bungalow.  We're busy with setting up Mike's first photography show and I'll be baking dozens of cupcakes for the reception.  I've sold a LOT of napkins over at the Fiber Frolic and plan to whip up several dozen more really soon, maybe this weekend while Mike is at the E&H Concert Choir Reunion.  I'm REALLY thankful for all the readers and etsy folks who have liked my goodies and made purchases--it's really brightening my days right now.

There's also a portion of my life that hangs in the balance as other people decide my fate.  I can't say much more for now, but it could mean a big change for me.  I'll keep you posted.  Keep us and the little pumpkin in your prayers.  That little pumpkin, by the way, is wiggling stronger everyday and I could have sworn that he or she was knocking on my tummy trying to get out yesterday to help us celebrate our anniversary.

A knitted bib for the baby.  I found the pattern online and have plans to make many more.



Ummm. . . napkins.  Lots of napkins.  Somebody tell me you're desperate for some of my napkins.  Maybe it will motivate me.  See the cute vintage prints?



But, see?  I have been making a little progress.  If only I had a rolled-hem foot, I could move so much faster. . .



I've been doing really good with this one.  And really, that's all that matters.

Mike and I will celebrate our third anniversary next week, but we were up at the marriage place this past weekend after my field trip for the Mount Rogers Naturalist Rally.  wetkneefarm and I led a hike on ferns that was well attended (20+ people), full of treasures (morels, flowers, ferns) and two miles long.  Two miles is a good bit for me anymore since stuff in there is starting to get squished by a growing, active baby. :-)



For those who don't know, we were married on the Appalachian Trail in the valley between Virginia's two highest peaks, Mount Rogers and White Top.  The place is Elk Garden, a high-elevation bald.



I drew trilliums on our invitations, like this Painted Trillium we found on the fern hike.



Our guests carefully stepped around hundreds of native flowers, like this Purple Wakerobin (another trillium).



The woods were still groggy from their Winter sleep.



But all around, it was sure that we were where the lilies bloom.



Saturday, we carefully climbed the marriage rock and savored a moment meant only for three.

One thing I knew in advance about having a baby was that I needed to cut myself some slack.  I'm known to be super-productive and accomplish six impossible things before breakfast, so slowing down  can be a challenge.  From reading Tammy's post about baby preparation, I knew it would be good to have lots of food in the freezer for the first couple months of pregnancy and plan to do the same in the last month so we can just thaw, heat, and eat when the baby comes.  I also learned to keep my expectations low so that I wouldn't feel like a sloth when I didn't have the energy to do much besides sleep.

In the glowing, clear-skinned, sunny days of the second trimester I feel fabulous most of the time.  But one thing is clear--I'm not the wonder woman I once was.  I can walk and walk, most days.  I can do a good number of chores, most days.  However, I get tired faster and have come to enjoy the simple pleasure of the couch with my feet up. 

I'm still learning not to beat myself up about not doing lots and sewing lots for the shop.  I have five dozen napkins cut out in great vintage prints and only six have been hemmed. :-(  Knitting is going super slow--I've been on the same bib for weeks.  In the mornings, I have stolen moments to sit at the machine and work.  Mornings seem to be the most peaceful here.  I have my granola and read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth.  Which I am LOVING, by the way.  Thanks for the recommendation, Tammy! 

I must learn that I have a season pass to life.  I've got 75 good years left to live and I mustn't rush to the finish line.  The deliberate journey is always the most rewarding.  At least for me.

Some people tell me I don't look pregnant.  Others say "Wow!  You're pregnant!"  You decide.  ;-)

         
   

For Blue Mountain Mama, who needs more pregnancy photos.   It's funny that I seem to be seen in this dress rather a lot, here and there.  A little narcissism on a Springy Friday afternoon. ;-)

Happy Weekend!!

Last week I left the first trimester in the dust.  No kind of waiting in my life has been like this kind.  Each week I tick off days, at a job I'm not so thrilled about and with a baby I'm so very excited about.  When I was engaged to Mike, I knew what I was getting into and there wasn't a big physical transition--just a wedding on the Appalachian Trail.  We'll find out whether the baby is a boy or a girl in five weeks.  Five whole weeks.  Oh, my.

I'm so glad to be a third of the way there.  I went shopping, yes, SHOPPING last week and bought some maternity clothes.  I actually set foot in a mall.  Mom had gotten me some things earlier in the week, but I needed some tops.  This was quickly becoming apparent.  Now I have a good mix of dresses I've made for hot days, pants for cool days and even a skirt for whenever.  It's funny to have new clothes or really, clothes that aren't stained with bacon grease.

I'm so glad to be in the happy go-lucky second trimester where my appetite, skin and energy are more normal.  After days of dreaming I had to clean up my old bedroom at my parents' house, I finally got some things done around here.  Beyond the normal routine, what a relief.  Last week I finished the mittens and hat and I can't wait until I have a little person to wear them.  Well, I can wait, but you know.  There is no waiting like baby waiting.  Bigger and closer every day. . .

Carrie and I made three batches of soap last night: Lime-Lemon-Orange (to be named something witty later--suggestions welcome); Peppermint-Tea Tree Oil; and Rose.  Since Mike is partial, there are only photos of me, thoroughly covered and bulgy.  Trust me when I say that Carrie is a very cute, energetic, non-pregnant version of me--thirty five years down the road. ;-)



Loads of stirring.  Carrie's stick blender made it much faster.



Main ingredients: Lye, water, coconut oil, palm oil, olive oil, castor oil.  Oh yeah, and gloves and bulge.



Essential oil time.  And bulge time.  Can you tell I'm proud?  Someone actually asked me if I'm expecting today!

The soap is all snuggly under cover and Carrie is going to cut it today.  In a month, it will be cured and safe for even the most sensitive of skin.  We plan to make baby soap, too, when the Calendula crop comes in. :-)

I haven't been posting much, still, and it's not like things haven't been moving forward around here.  After all, I did finish the socks and I have managed to cook supper almost every night this week.  And I have managed to grow a baby about three inches long, all the while looking rather un-expecting.  Yup, no weight gain over at the Blackberry Bungalow.  My tummy sticks out much more than it did, or should I say, much more than I'm used to.  Observe: Brandy cooks bacon, at right.

Most of my clothes that are fitted, don't fit.  However, I'm still getting the "You're so tiny," and "You had the flattest stomach," remarks.  Okay, where were these people before?  Why is it that women say the opposite of what you want?  Like, you should tell your girl friends how great they look, any time they look great.  Maybe I'm a little moody with the hormones, I don't know. 

Here's a note for all the people who may come in contact with an expectant mother (who is, by the way, already a mother since she's the only human in charge of the baby she's growing): Tell her she's got an adorable tummy, even if it is flat as a pancake (mine is NOT).  Tell her you're so happy for her and ask OFTEN how she is.  Don't tell her how you didn't ever look pregnant until you were ready to deliver.  She wants to look pregnant, but not swollen and waddly, so never bring that up.  Being pregnant is about 50% hard emotional work.  It takes a lot to get your head around the idea you've got a baby inside you and even more to decide what to make for dinner. 

Well, maybe not about the dinner, but sometimes it feels that way.  So here's my manifesto.  I promise, Anna, there is more to life right now.  It just seems to be hiding behind my fabulous abs.

April come she will,
when streams are ripe and swelled with rain. . .

Things are picking up over here in the Forgotten Virginia.  Mike and I mapled ourselves at the Whitetop festival this past weekend.  Spending the day reading and napping, we celebrated the Earth Hour from eight to nine in the light of candles and the oil lamp.  Sunday was church and then I started to cut out my next new dress.  The last one was so successful, I gave it another go with some simple modifications.  I finished it last night.  What a difference some experience and a new sewing machine makes!

I'm feeling more energetic these days and have started to take my walks at work again.  Cold doesn't keep me down, but lack of energy does!  Today was very warm, around seventy, and VERY windy.  I enjoyed being out in the weather and seeing all the budding trees getting ready to bloom.  We've been getting a steady amount of rain and things are really looking greener and the streams are fuller than they have been in many months.  What a blessing!

Because I'm pregnant and allowed to be slightly selfish, I have two shots of my dress that Mike took out in the yard.  I can't help but feel proud and so excited about most every good thing lately. :-)

I keep replaying it in my head--two little arms wiggling around, the occasional kick from an itty bitty leg, a pulsing heart at the center of it all.  So wonderful. . .